We’re in Touch. But Are We Really Close?

We know when they were last online. But we don't know whether we're part of their plans.

We text every day. Share photos. Say goodnight. Perhaps we sleep together, too. Yet somehow, we can't bring ourselves to ask: "What are we?"

Lately, I've been thinking about how much we share — and how much we leave unsaid.

Sometimes, it seems easier to take our clothes off than to say, "I care about you."

Because those words expose us differently. They reveal that we want something. That an occasional message might not be enough. That we'd like to look forward to a weekend together without waiting until Friday to find out whether it's happening.

So we try to get the balance right. Reply now? Wait a little? Suggest meeting? Will we seem too available?

Getting to know someone can start to feel like an exercise in strategy. And I say that as someone who works in strategy.

No label. Still plenty of feelings.

We call it a situationship. Something in between. There's romantic or sexual closeness, but no clear agreement about what it means.

I don't believe every connection needs a label after the second date and a five-year plan by the third. Nor does everyone have to want a long-term relationship. Something casual can work beautifully for two people.

As long as both people understand that's what it is.

The difficulty begins when one person is enjoying the present while the other is quietly imagining a future. From the outside, nothing has changed. Inside, they're already living different stories.

Wanting to know where we stand doesn't mean asking for a promise of forever. Sometimes, we simply want an honest answer.

What goes unsaid about sex?

I think about this when it comes to sex, too. How many expectations do we bring with us? How we should look. What we should know. What we should enjoy.

And alongside all those expectations, can we say what we actually feel?

"That feels good."
"Tonight, I just want a cuddle."
"I need more time."

Short sentences. Yet sometimes, they take more courage than a long conversation on a dating app.

For me, intimacy also begins when I don't have to guess the right answer. When I can want something, decline something or feel uncertain — without worrying that I've ruined the evening.

Perhaps that deserves more of our attention when we meet someone. Alongside "Do they like me?", we might ask:

"Can I be myself with this person?"

🎙️ These are some of the questions behind my conversation with Zohar Nagar, a sexual health educator and school nurse based in Prague. Together, we explore sex, intimacy, relationships and the conversations we don't always know how to begin.

The new English episode of Jana Talk premieres today, Sunday, October 18, at 7 PM CEST on YouTube @Jana_Talk. You can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

I'd love you to join us. Perhaps it will help you find the words for a conversation you've been putting off.

With love 💛
Jana